this is so fucking sian.. i feel that my life is wasted.. screwed.. 

what the heck man.. who can i talk to... fuck man..

now i know why when people get in to army, they start decorating their speech with very colourful vulgarities.

a) Stress

b) influence

c) stupid things that people do

d) stupid things that you do.

sometimes i really want to spout that word. 

GOD HELP!!! I NEED YOU. 

I dreamt myself kneeling down, crying out loud..

What's the difference between two persons, one who is vulgar while the other isn't, but both still cries for God?

after a talk..

Had a phone call with Chris yesterday night. hmm.. yeah. i'm maybe too over sensitive, and have an egoistic behavior.

i should make the effort to come back.. not hold back..

what's in my heart...

hm..

I was kind of unhappy when I'm not part of the happenings around me. For example, last Sunday, I didn't even know of a party till someone told me. Everyone around me was happily discussing and planning for the later event. By the way I've responded to my friend, he got a pretty good hint that I was kind of hurt.

I was thinking, hey maybe they have taken to the account that I'm booking in later at night. But then, I felt disrespected. Still shouldn't they tell me about it, like ask me even though they already knew I'm not going?

Nowadays, I dun feel belong to the cg. Maybe it is me being too sensitive, but sometimes I wonder will people forget me when my service is not required and only realized it when they need me again? I've reached to a stage where I'm just trying to let go of all responsibilities. When there is something else to attend to, i'll go - that kind of feeling.. Is this a plan from God, or a mistake by man?

The upside of the day: I bought new guitar strings and tuner for my guitar. I'm quite happy about it. love the sound of new strings, those bright sounds...

I should talk to someone abt it.

This kind of feeling I've felt makes me not want to have a gf. so this is like the first time I dun feel like getting attached even though i know i shouldn't.. I think I really need to get my life back on track..

Note to Self: Learn from mistakes made, not learn to avoid doing things so that you won't make a mistake.

issues.

sigh. Maybe i'm just too sensitive or i'm thinking too much.

Since the start of the new year, my life has been going down hill. nothing seems to be good. Count my blessings? More of just counting my ang baos. There are several issues that are bothering me... Who can i tell? Who can i trust? Who can i talk to man... Now everything is just bottled inside of me.

Till now, i haven't really have a chat with anyone. Everyone who talked to me are just asking me for things, for help. who can i talk to?

I had read finish The Partner by John Grisham and watched Catch Me If You Can. Now I wanna run away, start a new life like how they did. Sadly, I dun have the courage to do such thing. heh..

This will be the place where I would just pour my heart out when i feel like shit.